Update On Joanne

I thought I would share a story to help answer the question, "How are the kids doing?" This story is a good indication of how our children have been handling things ...

It was about three years ago when we got a call from Dylan's teacher to tell us that we needed to know that he had a very "unDylan-like" day. He had a real angry outburst that was completely outside of his character - being very good at dispute resolution.

So we brought him upstairs after dinner that night and said, "We heard you had a bad day". "Yeah, had a bad day," came his reply with his head hung a little low. He thought he was in trouble so we quickly corrected that and told him that sometimes he will feel angry and frustrated with his mom being sick and that's okay.

We moved along the standard path of parental talks about good and bad behaviour because of feelings and that it was okay to come and talk to us about those feelings. Sometimes it would be hard, but that hardship is easier to deal with than the hardship created if he DIDN'T get his feelings out and kept them all bottled up inside.

He paused, looked at us with those serious but beautiful blue eyes, and said, "Yeah. I guess it's kinda like shoveling the driveway dad." "What do you mean?" "Well, if you shovel the driveway right away after it snows, it's so easy to shovel off the snow. But if you don't shovel right away and it snows again and again and the snow starts to pile up and get heavy. Then it gets really hard to get the driveway clean. That's like your feelings Dad. If you don't get them out right away and you pile more and more feelings on top of each other, then it gets too hard to get them out. Right dad?"

Joanne and I were looking at each other with mouths agape, turned to him and said, "Ah, yes buddy. Pretty much exactly like that."

I don't think a university psychology professor could have said it any better.

With that, the special twinkle returned to those beautiful blue eyes. He came over and gave us hugs and kisses, got up and bounded down the stairs.
Apparently his driveway was clean.

Mike