Update On Joanne

Stubborn girl fights on ...
A headline? The title of a book, or a chapter? Once again I am amazed at the resiliency and indomitable spirit that lays within our angel Joanne.

I arrived at the hospital Saturday morning to a very weak, rattle-throated woman who was in obvious distress. She has been weak over the last few days and Friday overnight (watched by sisters-in-law Linda and Sheri) was just fine until about 5:30 am or so. A bout of vomiting lasted for a while and once the episode was over she seemed to rest well. She has been given a 'butterfly', to allow the quick delivery of certain meds, in this case Haldol which is very similar to Gravol - an anti-nauseant. [A Butterfly is a small device inserted just under the skin, attached to a port to allow the delivery of meds without repeatedly piercing the skin.]

Hearing the rattling, and seeing the weakness, I was sure that our angel was going home very soon. For the first time in my life, I prayed out loud, by myself. (We pray over meals every night as a family.) After a decade of Hail Mary's and an Our Father, I said something to myself that gave me peace. I asked God to forgive me for being so angry with him over the last few years. As I have forgiven my father for his transgressions, so has my father forgiven me. This has double meaning for me. My earthly father - your blogmaster - has been the rock of our family in these last stages of our journey, and he wouldn't have been able to be there if he hadn't forgiven me for some of my actions, and I him. My Heavenly Father, our loving God, has forgiven me for my anger, for my frustration, and he has given me my peace.

I am sure my peace has allowed our Angel to achieve some peace. While we expected her to be leaving us many times yesterday, she has soldiered on. She is very weak. Her breathing is becoming more shallow by the hour, but that hasn't stopped her from biting on the "swab" that the nurse uses to clean/moisten her mouth. She still has her dignity and pride and is still showing the world who is in charge of her mind and body.

She constantly tries to remove the oxygen from her nose. [We think the dryness irritates her nose and throat] The oxygen keeps her heart strong and her breathing good. When she takes it off, her chest feels heavy, and she then takes off the covers and her gown because it feels like they are heavy blankets on her chest. She still raises her arm and slowly lets it down - something she has always done to soothe herself to sleep. It is a wonder to see that this Angel who has little to no verbal communication can say so much with her deteriorating body.

I know she feels the presence of not only the bloggers, but all of the walkers in the walk. I told her that Bev and Tina should be crossing the finish line around 4:00 to 4:30 and she nodded.

I asked my children to come to the hospital last night to make their peace with God and say goodbye to their mother. There were tears of sadness. There were lots of them. We joined hands - all five of us - and said an Our Father; only four of us praying.

When we were done I gave them an opportunity to share with their family their feelings. Dylan was capable, Dean and Darcy were not. I then moved away and asked each of them to say their own something special to their mom - whispered and close, intimate and private.

We then joined again together. I expressed my pride and my good fortune to have such wonderful children to them. Through our tears we bonded once again. We are a family - Dean insisted we're not, but learned how we are, and will continue to be a strong, united family. Probably the luckiest family in the world.

We have been give the opportunity to meet, know and love an Angel.

Joanne is at peace. Our family is at peace. I urge you to make your peace. Resolve your anger. Choose to forgive and decide to love.

Our angel wouldn't want it any other way.

All my love,
Mike